THE 2024 BASEBALL AWARDS

Non-Player Awards:

Best Electric 4-String Instrument: Bass.

Best State University: Ball.

Best Location for Army Guys: Base.

Best Point Pen: Ball.

Best All-Around Great Guy To Know: “Ace” Bahl. Went to school with him. Bartholomew is his given name but us kids called him Ace on account of how much of a card sharp the kid was. The teachers at school wanted to call him something more “dignified” and “professional” so they settled on calling him “B”. He’s an all-around great guy to know, that B. “Ace” Bahl.

Best Pro Shop, Pronunciation of First Word In Name Notwithstanding: Bass.

Best Cry: Bawl.

Best English Language Translation Of The Name Of A Militant Jihadist Organization: “The Base” (al-Qaeda).

Best Type of Gala Event: Ball.

Best Rookie Leader Of A Militant Jihadist Organization: Saif al-Adel, al-Qaeda.

Best Euphemism For A Single Testicle: Ball.

Best Type of Jump: BASE.

Best Peen Hammer : Ball.

Best Overall Militant Jihadist Organization: al-Qaeda.

Best Kind of Bat: Baseball.

Best Shape to Serve Melon: Ball.

Best Rob From a Duo With DJ EZ Rock: Base.

Player Awards:

* Note: Due to lackluster performances, no Baseball Awards will be awarded to baseball players this year.

The 2024 Baseball Awards are brought to you by Louisville Slugger and al-Qaeda.